Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Skinny on Skinny Jeans...

I am a fan of the skinny jean. While I don’t own any, because I DO own a mirror, I think they are adorable on about 2% of the population. The rest of us..."Just Say No!"

One of my pet peeves, (and, yes, I know I have many), is the skinny jean that just can't quite stay up. How is that even possible? Isn't the skinny jean, by definition, skinny? Meaning, tight? How, then, is it even possible for it to slide down. I had a theory on this. It must be that people are buying skinny jeans too small. (By the way, are there sizes for skinny jeans? Or one size, skinny, fits all?) However, this theory was proven wrong the other day. I spotted, a rare breed, a very skinny girl sporting skinny jeans. At first glance, I thought, "Cute!" But, as she passed, I noticed that the skinnies were falling off. Now, I'm baffled! Maybe people are wearing their skinny jeans too much without washing in between. I mean, we all have at least one pair of pants that continues to get larger as we wear it.

So, now, I'm forced to add this to my list of "No-No's!" The skinny jean that won't stay up. I think I shall call this fad the skimpy skinny. Or, if you have a better name, I'm game...

(Don't) Walk This Way

Does this only happen to me? Everywhere I go…I’ve noticed when walking towards oncoming pedestrians, I am always the one to have to slide over, or off the sidewalk, to make room for them. And, it’s usually more than one person walking towards little ol’ me. Why do I have to move? I’ve decided…I’m not doing it any more.

So, today I tried this out. While shopping alone at Target, two people with a buggy were walking towards me. On a side note, need I remind you that the rules of the road carry over to walking down an aisle at target, or through the mall? STICK TO THE RIGHT! Geez! Anyway, so I’m walking towards these people. I’m as far over to the right as I can be, without knocking things off the shelves with my hand-held carrier. They continued to walk head-on towards me…nope, I was NOT moving….and, apparently, neither were they! Their buggy hit my elbow…and they had the nerve to laugh, look at me like I was in the wrong, and say to each other “you’d think she’d have slid over!” WHAT?! I was not in the wrong, ladies, you were!

I am now on a one-woman mission to end crazy pedestrianism!! I will not move over for you…and I refuse to walk on the left…if that’s they way you want to live-move to Europe!

Muffin Tops

Ahhh, the muffin top. This seemingly enjoyable noun is actually…not so enjoyable. Now, I know that I am not in the best shape…and am definitely not one for over-exercising….however, I DO ask that people invest in a bathing suit that fits. Or-even better…a mirror? An honest friend? Some self-esteem?

For those of you confused, let me educate you on the muffin top.

Muffin tops: a) the delicious upper half of a breakfast bread; the best part! b) the large mid-section of someone, usu. A woman, squeezed into a too-tight pant, skirt, bikini bottom.

So, here’s what pushed me over my limit. I have been spending lots of time at our apartment pool (I’m unemployed, don’t judge me!) and repeatedly see girl after girl sporting a muffin top. How is this possible? Girls! Invest in a cover up, bathing suit that fits, or…dare I say it?? A TANKINI! Tankini’s can be very cute…and much more flattering than a string bikini too small on someone too large to wear it!

Let’s all make an honest effort to end muffin tops! I know that sometimes it makes us feel good when we can squeeze into a size smaller than we’re used to wearing….while not being able to move or breathe when wearing it. Does that mean we should actually buy and wear that article of clothing? Hell No! As my sister would say, “it’s a hot mess!” Just buy the things that fit…believe it or not, it’s actually more flattering!